Imagine a group of boys showing up for a game of pick-up basketball on a Saturday morning. The teams ebb and flow, based on who shows up. Everyone knows the teams are not permanent: everyone wants a chance to play, no matter how skilled he is. Unlike the drudgery of getting up on weekdays, each boy has arisen early, dressed with alacrity, and found his own way to be the first to arrive. They return to their homes sweaty, scraped and smiling; any blood or limp is a welcome opportunity to meet a sympathetic ear with play-by-play accounts of how each battle-wound came to be. Despite having played his heart out, each boy is eager to play again in the afternoon and the evening, if another friend calls with a fresh invitation.
What would happen to this scenario if all available balls were flat? If everyone shows up dressed and on time, but there is no ball, can the game proceed? Would the guys be satisfied to play with an imaginary ball, or would they get up early and stay for some different game that doesn't require a ball? At The Ball, guys, you are the ball. Like you on the court on Saturday mornings, the girls know the "teams" are not permanent; they just want a chance to dance. Being chosen is a big deal, and being avoided often causes lasting blows to a girl's sense of identity and self-worth. Like trying to play basketball with no ball, dances flop without your presence. And if you attend but won't actively participate, that effectively siphons out all the air. There really is no substitute for you.
Consider this question: what is the biggest deal in the life of a girl? Her wedding. It occupies reams of paper, as she draws and dreams for more than a decade to decide what to wear, what colors the flowers will be, where it will be held, and so forth. In significance to a girl, a dress-up dance ranks only slightly behind this once-in-a-lifetime event. To succeed, these events need a prince. That's you, guys.
How do men benefit from dances? I know some men resist attending or participating, but most want to hold girls in their arms, which is an obvious part of dances. At a ball, men and women have chances to develop and practice social graces, as they invite and accept brief invitations and converse. It's like speed dating, only better: you have a planned, chaperoned, social activity to do together that automatically limits your contact time. If things work out well, you have options -- and if things work out poorly, it's over soon and you have additional opportunities to practice. Can you think of a better system to get acquainted?
What if you feel you are not good at dancing? Take heart: nobody was born knowing how to dance, just like nobody was born
automatically knowing how to play basketball or to carry on great
conversations. Consider what Michael Jordan's career would have been like if he had given up when he did not make his high school team: because he knew he was not good at basketball, MJ practiced better and longer. Coaching, pick-up games and consistent, focused practice on his own helped him overcome weakness at all points in his development. You can do that, too, with any area in which you feel awkwardness. Don't be shy. Dances are practice. And, like your Saturday games, they can be a great time for everyone.Photos from sxc.hu.
